Evolution of Excitement

Sometimes excitement can be like a meandering roller coaster, with a big drop at the end.

Witness:

9/10-9/13/09 - L has her baby. I'm all wonder and awe. People say knowingly "you're next" (because I can't stay pregnant forever, duh) and all I can muster to say about my own rapidly approaching D-day is "I hope he has hair". . . . Whaaaa?

9/14/09 - Normal life resumes and I get busy helping with homework and planning an anniversary trip and working and being tired.

9/24/09 - A total stranger approaches me from the rear, gets to my front, and exclaims in surprise "Wow! You're ready to pop any time now!" very loudly in the middle of the Bashas in Sedona. I've never had anyone say that to me ever. On the one hand, it means I don't look pregnant from behind. On the other, I seethe in silence until I get to the car and tell M about it.

9/27/09 - I'm 34 weeks along and decide to look in What to Expect to see if pelvic pain/pressure is normal, since I've been having it for a number of weeks now. I end up reading about labor, delivery, and postpartum. There is a disturbing amount written about lochia and other fluids. In the style of Carol from the show Friends, every fiber of my being shouts "I am NOT doing that!!"

9/28/09 - A coworker comments that it's "not long now" and although, technically, she's right, I've got too much going on to thing about it (to wit: helping M finish this semester AND trying to get a temporary replacement at work before the Big Deadline). She asks if I'm excited. I tell her "not really" which makes her do this big guffaw and stare at me open-mouthed while I try to explain myself in terms of something like "I'm having a hard time accepting that a baby is actually going to come out of all this and I'm going to have to take care of it." My explanation doesn't help matters one bit. (And I imagine that she secretly wonders if they're making a mistake throwing me a shower next week, since I'm destined to become a bad mom because I'm not excited enough.)

9/29/09 - Wake up feeling like a truck hit me, despite having gone to bed early and getting pretty decent sleep. In addition to feeling uber-tired, also feel uber-heavy and cumbersome in my own skin. For the first time in 8.75 months, I feel like I want my own body back. In true "I'll show you" fashion, decide that this is at least a reason to be excited, should my coworker from yesterday need to be alerted to such a development. Stress overlong about my replacement at work and try in vain to convince my boss Iamreallycomingback! Have lunch with new mommies C and L and their 4 month old and 3 week old babies. Again with the "it's not long now" and "it's your turn next" - but this time it's coming from friends who've recently been there and it's so nice to be able to talk about all the ins and outs of the experience with them. My feet swell horribly while grocery shopping. Like, really really badly. I watch Deliver Me on the DVR and something about seeing those new babies stirs up a deeply hidden ember of excitement somewhere inside of me and I finally begin to wonder what this little boy will look like when he joins us.

~Nichole

D-Day Denial

We're fresh off our weekend getaway. That doesn't mean I was more rested. In fact, I left church after the first meeting on Sunday and came home and crashed for 2 hours. Then I took a 3 hour nap later that afternoon, and slept for a full night. I'm tired all over again.

If ever I'm rich, I'm going to hire a personal chef and a private massage therapist. Our breakfasts by the private chef at the place we stayed were amazing! And after my prenatal massage, my feet and ankles looked more normal than I've seen them look in months and months:

But I'll settle for a husband offering to "split the list" and get some of the groceries on his lunch hour so that I don't have to be on my feet as much and can rest more. . .

I'll also settle for take out as much as possible. . .

Yep. I'm feeling it. All 35 pounds and 8.5 months of it. Even so, we hiked up to "The Arch" and busted hump back down because we thought we were late for our massage appointments. At the very moment my entire lower belly was cramped and I thought I was going to fall over on the trail trying to get back to the car, I realized what a dummy I am to think I am so invincible and strong. . . when the reality is I could really put myself into early labor.

Thankfully, the cramps were muscular, not uterine - but still.

Someone at work today asked if I'm getting excited. I was kind of. . .ambivalent in my answer, which apparently is not the PC thing to be at this stage. Sorry, but reading about labor and delivery and postpartum in What to Expect last night, along with how much I still have to do at work and at home to prepare, and how fast it's all happening - all of it together has me a little gun shy.

I might be in a little bit of denial.

Maybe.

Just a little.

But I'm also anxious to have it all done with.

Is that bad?

No, don't answer that.

~Nichole

Pre-show Jitters

More often than not, I find myself a little anxious about the approaching Due Date. I’m excited, sure. Somewhere deep down there, yeah. But mostly, I think to myself, “Omg! We’re going to have a baby! An actual baby! What are we going to do with a baby!?”

Then, I put my head between my knees and take a few deep, cleansing breaths until the lightheaded sensation passes. OK, not really. But you get the idea, no?

In the meantime, we’re putting off panicking and heading northward to spend a few days in the red rocks to celebrate our 10th anniversary and enjoy each other’s undivided attentions and company. And I’ll be getting a prenatal massage to boot! I see much sleeping in my immediate future (especially since I’m operating on only 5 hours at the moment).

~Nichole

Planning the Birth - Mad Lib Style

Thanks to a linky I found at finslippy, I now have a birth plan format I can work with.

Click to enlarge and try not to pee your pants. . .

P.S. Why, yes, in case you were wondering. . . I am posting at quarter past one in the morning - because my stupid legs decided to be itchy and my exhausted body decided to not be sleepy. So I'm up.

~Nichole

Upside Down, Round and Round

I’m antagonizing my baby. And laughing about it. See? Already a bad mom!

I got curious as to whether this baby is head down or butt down. So, doing what I always do when I’m curious, I Googled it. I read that if you can feel hiccups down low (check!), the baby’s probably head down. I also read somewhere in those Googled results that if you feel a firm rounded part of your baby at the top of the belly, push on it to see whether the whole baby moves or not. Apparently, if the baby is head up (butt down), nothing will move. If the baby is butt up (head down), the whole body will move.

So, I’m sitting here feeling some rounded body part hit the top of my belly and decided to try it out. I think his whole body moved. Either way, it made him mad and he flailed a bit (either his arms or his legs struck out toward my innards).

I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s both head down and face down. Both good for a perfect vaginal delivery. Of course, we’ll see if my hunch is right at my next appointment. In the meantime, I’m totally messing with him. Just kidding. I’ll stop now.

~Nichole

Circumcision Decision

We've come to the decision that this boy baby will be circumcised.

Here's how we came to that decision:

I said to M, "You decide. You have one, so you decide."

He said, "We're getting it done. It's more sanitary and he'll look like everyone else in the locker room."

And that, my friends, is just how easy some decisions are.

A rarity for us, for sure, but yea for one less thing to have to decide!

~Nichole

Pregnant Insomniac

I went to the doc today. He checked the heartbeat, which sounds good. I think the baby’s finally head down now, which is good, but they’ll check his position when I go again in 2 weeks just to make sure. They’ll also check my cervix and have me pee in a cup. And just when I thought it was a run of the mill appointment, they had me schedule all my remaining visits. I go in 2 weeks, then every week thereafter. I can’t believe it’s so close already!

The “end” is coming soon and it’s very weird. After L had her baby a week ago, it hit me that an actual baby is going to come from all this, which snapped be out of my pregnant reverie a little bit. I think I had settled into the rhythm of being pregnant (finally!) and now I’m hit with the realization that I won’t be pregnant forever and soon enough life as I know it will change forever.

I’m still not sleeping well at night, but doc said there’s not much to be done about it and it’ll probably get worse before it gets better. He said I can take 1 mg of sublingual (under the tongue) melatonin. Apart from that, I can take the occasional Tylenol PM or Unisom, but I pretty much have to grin & bear it. Today’s the first day I’ve been in to work before 10 a.m. and that’s only because I came directly from my doc appt.

In order to try and get to sleep a little sooner last night – so I could be up for the appointment – I relegated myself to the other bedroom instead of trying to tough it out in our bed. It nearly killed me to do that. I’m not used to going to bed at separate times than M, much less in separate places. It worked only in the sense that I got to sleep sooner, probably because I didn’t have to worry about keeping M up with all my thrashing. But I still itched and was restless, which negates my theory that it’s our bed or something in our bedroom (ahem - high speed fan) causing the problem when I try to get to sleep. It seems I’ll have problems no matter where I try to sleep. Of course, watching Destination Truth about possessed baby dolls on some island in Mexico probably didn’t help matters much.

I’ve taken to laying down at lunch, which, in a way strangely reminiscent of the first trimester, thwarts most of my Super Woman powers. I’m used to getting a lot done during my lunch hours. Now all I do is eat and sleep.

While I could “technically” only have to endure this get to enjoy the more difficult side effects of pregnancy for another 4 weeks, I could also “technically” go for another 9 weeks with nary a contraction in sight. All I’ve got to say about that is – what’s with the 5 week window?!? Doesn’t medical science give any better guesstimate than that?

~Nichole

Wiggle Wiggle Heartburn Giggle

I have a wiggly fetus. Whom I believe is now be either head or butt down, on account of his newfound wigglyness and my newfound crazy wicked heartburn.

Before pregnancy, I had never taken Tums or anything like it.

But during the acid episodes that were the first and second trimesters, I was forced to experiment occasionally. One would usually do the job.

But now - during the height of my third trimester glory (and especially yesterday) - Tums aren't cutting it, even though I'm tempted to pop them like Pez. Heartburn is radiating my chest like a winter fire.

Which is probably why I don't eat much.

Which is probably why I haven't gained a pound in nearly 3 weeks.

In which case: Go Heartburn!

~Nichole

Midnight Picture Show

I'm having trouble sleeping for the 3rd night in a row.

Lucky you.

It means you get to see pictures.

Like this one from the Human Reproduction exhibit at the Museum of Man in Balboa Park:

And this one of M, me, and the belly:

And just in case that belly shot doesn't do it for you, here's a great one (not!):

The sheer girth of that belly probably explains both why I'm up right now with heartburn (more on that later) and why my bladder feels the size of:
And if right about now you're thinking I look chubby (I am), just know that I climbed down and back up this canyon

TWICE while 7 months pregnant.

So there.

Seacrest out.

~Nichole

Wish I May, Wish I Might. . .

. . . have the wish I wish in the middle of the freakin' early morning hours when I can't sleep!

(I'm wishing for sleep, in case you didn't guess.)

I think a full bladder, my long afternoon nap, and stupid itchy legs are combining against me. It's 2:30 a.m. and I should SO be sleeping right now!

Monday morning should be a fun one. . . my poor boss has to deal with a sleepless 3rd trimester trainwreck of an employee on a weekly basis. . . But I generally get better by Friday . . .

~Nichole