9.30.2010

The Mom-isode that Made Me Cry

I'm sitting here watching Project Runway on my DVR in the quiet of my house. The hub is in the bathroom, the baby's tucked into bed and tears are making streaks down my face. . .

. . . in this episode, the designers' moms are flown in for a visit. As the moms walk into the workroom and the designers see their mothers for the first time in months, they all start crying.

. . . it makes me realize that everyone, no matter who they are, has a mother and everyone, no matter who they are, has a soft spot for the woman they call "mom".

. . . it shows me how the sight of one's mother can evoke such strong emotions because your mother's arms is the safest place in all the world.

. . . it makes me remember when I came home sick from my mission and all I wanted was my mom.

. . . it makes me think how now I'm a mom, and how special a calling, title and job that is.

. . . it makes me want to be a force for all that is good and positive in my children's lives.

. . . it makes me hope that someday I can walk into a room and just the sight of me will provide my child with relief and comfort.

That's what mothers do.

{OK. Wiping my tears away and returning to my regularly scheduled program. . . }

~Nichole

9.25.2010

Texts from the Trenches

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted anything about this mothering gig. Here is a sampling of actual texts I've sent over the last month or so (which should give you an idea of where my mind has been):

"I forgot to send frozen milk this morning, so I get to make a trip to Mesa later this morning. Doh! Is it weird that I’m both excited about weaning and anxious at the same time? I’m excited to have my time/body back, but will miss the protection I know he gets against our illnesses."

"I go back and forth over the 2 or 3 question. Last week I had the door wide open. This week it’s almost closed. Tho, officially, my stance is let’s just have 2, see what that’s like and make the final decision once we’re in that place. Unless of course the next one is actually a twofer. In which case, the door will be closed forever!"

"I’m so excited for you! I almost had myself convinced the other day I was ready for another. Almost. Then I remembered morning sickness and fatigue and invasion of the body snatchers and I changed my mind."

"I hate menstrual migraines! Laying on the floor in my living room with C playing around me and popping Advil every 5-6 hours. Waiting for the MC repair guy to show up."

"I really hate how my milk production fluctuates now that my cycles have resumed! I continue to feel torn about weaning, but sometimes wonder if I'll even make it another 6 weeks or so."

[Wow. Reading back over those texts makes me think of my high school chemistry teacher's comment to me: "these are informal assignments. you don't have to write that way."]

Aaannywho, in other news, my kid is keeping me simultaneously amazed and busy. He's very mobile and very purposeful and determined. So, you can imagine. He's so fun to be around and I'm enjoying being his mother.

If you know me, you know I'm kind of weirded out by birthday parties and have sworn to keep my kids' parties extremely basic and simple. Even so, M and I have plotted out a simple 1st birthday party for the Bug - albeit bigger in scope than any other is sure to be until he's in double digits. I figure the kid was cheated out of Christmas last year, so why not. Besides which it's really a celebration for all of us making it out of the first year alive and well (actually, more that I made it a year pumping exclusively. . . longest year of my life has been comprised of 30-40 minute stints of pumping 4-8 times a day. . . )

~Nichole

"May you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world." -Ray Bradbury