2.22.2012

This Pregnancy Grew Wings

Time is literally flying. And it’s in a desperate attempt to catalog some of this going-too-quickly, whirlwind of a pregnancy that I now write.

The “days left to go” have officially dropped down from triple digits, and now number at 99. I can’t believe I’ll be 26 weeks along tomorrow! I’ve seriously been meaning to get a belly pic for this kicking little progeny for over 2 weeks now. It’s crazy! Everyone of my family who said my belly was “tiny” two weeks ago probably wouldn’t think so now. And while I remember all too well that I can and will get bigger (I’m trying to block the mental images of my belly at full-term), it still seems impossible. Even so, I’m giving serious consideration to doing a belly cast just in case the baby factory closes after this one’s done cooking.

I’m hovering around 19 pounds of weight gain. I’m slightly more freaked about total weight gain this time than I was last time, but that doesn’t stop me from eating daily doses of things like cake, ice cream and chocolate. (Don’t worry! I also get good things like fruit, greek yogurt and baby carrots. . .)

I feel so hurried with life that it’s hard to remind myself to slow down and enjoy feeling this baby. I feel like during my pregnancy with C, I was so much more in tune with every little movement and felt more bonded with him. With this baby, I have to remind myself that there’s a baby in there and that he’s getting bigger every day. Still, this doesn’t leave me with the all-too-common worry that I won’t love this baby as much as I do C. My bigger worry is that I’ll be able to keep loving C the same (and more!) after the baby. When we had C, M and I went from a straight line to a triangle, and I remember that being a very scary prospect. And now, adding one more means we’ll have to pound those angles out to a nice, round circle. It’s just what happens when you have a new addition to a family, but being “under construction” isn’t always so tidy a process.

My confidence is more shaky this time around. I don’t know how that’s possible, since my pregnancy with C was my first full-term pregnancy. But, I know precisely what can possibly go wrong (I’ve heard way too many sad, but touching stories since I’ve been pregnant) and I just don’t think I have the first-time-everything-will-be-ok confidence I had last time. My biggest fear is losing the baby to pre-term birth. Even being 26 weeks along does little to assuage that fear, because when I think I’m almost out of the danger zone and into the safety net that 27 weeks provides, the statistic floats up that baby boys are more underdeveloped and have less fight than baby girls.

Still, this pregnancy is also more fun and exciting in some ways. M is also incredibly excited, now that having one has made the process that much more tangible and real for him than it was last time. Plus, this time we get to share the experience with C, who pats my belly and says “when dis baby is done growing, he’s gonna come see us”. (What else are you gonna tell a 2 year old when he pulls my shirt up and asks to see the baby – the same way he can see his “baby” (aka mini Pooh bear) when you zip down his jammies and baby bear “gets born”?)

~Nichole

"May you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world." -Ray Bradbury