About the Name

Those of you who pay attention on Facebook will have seen the announcement of our sweet baby girl's birth, along with her name and other such details.

Here's how it goes with the naming: I look up names, give them to M and he vetoes or says "maybe" until we settle on a few we like.  Then M falls in love with one name, forsaking all others, and I hem and haw over it until after they're born.

So, it was kind of a Big Deal that this baby girl was named while she was still baking, before we even began the third trimester.  Though we had a strong candidate for a name for C, he wasn't actually officially named until his second day of life.  A's name was officially his only a few days before he was born, and only because I had a dream about what he would look like and that the name we picked (and I was continuing to hem and haw over) was, in fact, his name.

There is no doubt that this little baby girl's condition factored into our naming process.  We considered names I never thought would be on our list of possible names.  And then, as we do, M fell in love with The Name, forsaking all others, while I hemmed and hawed for months.  People would ask the name question and I would just look at M, waiting for him to answer.  (And, in a new twist, it's the first time we've told people the name before the baby was born.  Feel lucky, chosen people, feel lucky.)

So, here's how and why we settled on what we did:

R - that her will and her character will be of deep and flowing strength and that her body will be both resilient and flexible (and that she will defy the expectations of those who would underestimate her because of outward appearance)
N - because she is a gift from God to us

Welcome beautiful baby R...

We love you more than words can express!

~Nichole

39 Weeks

How far along: 39 Weeks, 0 days - and going in for our C section [made it to 40w3d with C before I went into labor; made it to 39w0d with A and was induced]
Gender: Girl!
Weight gain:  30 pounds [40-ish pounds with C; 40 pounds with A]
Stretch marks:  Not this time, nor any other time.  [The small stretch marks on my hips (from mission weight gain) turned red with C, but never did anything this time or with A.]
Belly button in or out: In! [as it has been each time.]
Worst moment this week: Trying to put lotion on my legs post-shower is pretty laughable, and makes me feel pretty "done".  And feeling my feet swell with water is never really that fun!  But the worst is the anxiety that threatens to swallow me up if I let it take hold.  So I don't let it.  I push it away.  As I told M, I can fall apart afterward, in the "privacy" of my hospital room.
Best moment(s) this week: It was pretty great laying on the boys' bed trying to get A back to sleep in the wee hours of Saturday morning and being able to pop both hips!  BUT, hands down, the best EVER is gonna be TODAY!
Miss anything: My more "slender" feet and legs.  [Swelling was the very worst with C; better with A; and best this time around!]
Ultrasound count to date: 17.  [I'd really be interested in finding out how many I had with C and how many with A.  But I'm too lazy to go find those pics in their albums and count them.  I think they're about the same - between 4 and 6 each.]
Movement: It's still pretty regular, but also less. 
Cravings: On Saturday, I wanted an A&W root beer float.  I settled for a Sonic blended float instead. On Sunday, I wanted Almond Roca.  [With C, I craved chili dogs and with A, it was sweets; this time, it's been all over the map.  But yeah, sweets.]
Queasy or sick: Nope. :)
Looking forward to: Meeting baby in a few hours' time!! 

~Nichole

38 Weeks

How far along: 38 Weeks
Gender: Girl!
Weight gain:  30 pounds 
Stretch marks:  No. (hooray!)
Belly button in or out: In!
Sleep: Worse.  Heartburn is really the worst ever when trying to sleep!
Worst moment this week: Standing in the shower, watching my belly shake with baby hiccups and realizing these are probably my last moments being pregnant and experiencing this ever.  Like ever ever. 
Best moment(s) this week: Getting the last minute things done.  Plus two play dates here at the house!  Fun.
Miss anything: A non-acidic, non-radiating esophagus...
Ultrasound count to date: 17.  Baby girl failed her NST for the second time on Tuesday and we had to do an extra ultrasound (BPP).  She looked good: was practicing breathing, heart was strong, and she had good "gross body movement" (and I got a pic of her "full head of hair").  She passed her NST today, so we got to have on a regular fluid check on that visit, but they still looked for breathing, movement and heart rate.  We're definitely in the home stretch!
Movement: Definitely happening, but definitely less.  I think she's running out of room...
Cravings:  Ice.  Chocolate.  Green smoothies.
Queasy or sick: Nope.
Looking forward to: Next Wednesday!!  Feeling very ready to meet this baby girl!

**Weekly update from perinatolgist's office: On Tuesday, baby girl failed her NST for the second time, which means I got to see her again on ultrasound.  Today, they had to buzz her again, but this time she passed!  Everything looks good.  Only one more NST on the day before her birth day!

~Nichole

37 Weeks

How far along: 37 weeks (we made it full-term! woohoo!)
Gender: Girl (but I cannot pretend I'm not freaked by the idea of having the doctor declare a shocking "boy!" after delivery).
Weight gain:  30 pounds 
Stretch marks:  Nope.
Belly button in or out: In!
Sleep: Thankfully a little better!  I've learned to cut myself off of anything to drink after dinner... And less itching is also helpful.  (A couple of weeks ago, they retested my bile acids as a precaution.  Still free of cholestasis, thankfully.) 
Worst moment(s) this week: Hands down, it was during my Friday non-stress test.  I became very very uncomfortable on the table I was reclining on, feeling a little nauseous and light headed.  The medical assistant who was watching my results came back in, decided to "buzz" the baby, and I told her I was not feeling well at all.  She sat me up a bit, I tried to shift to my left side.  I felt even more light headed and dizzy and hot and told her I was probably going to pass out.  She turned a fan on and put a cold cloth on my head.  I don't think I actually passed out, just that my hearing completely faded and I sort of went into a daze and slept a bit, maybe?  I have no idea what happened, only that they took my blood pressure again, and then an RN came into the room and insisted they make sure to take my pulse as well.  I started feeling slightly better, but it took an awfully long time to completely recover.  It definitely reminded me of the close call I had when pregnant with C, followed by the time I actually did pass out with him. (And also of how motherflipping uncomfortable I was while waiting for my D&E that one time.) And again, I wondered whether throwing up, feeling like you're going to die before passing out, or actually passing out is worse.  It was a pretty awful experience either way, and made me very ready to get the scarier, more uncomfortable parts of my upcoming c-section done and over with!  (To that end, I've contemplated having an audio book playing, having nothing at all, or having some music on - any of which could easily backfire and make me feel more anxious than relaxed - but I have almost decided on just having some Jack Johnson playing on my iPod...)
Best moment(s) this week: Having my best friend in town (and staying with us) for 3 days and nights!  Seriously so fun!  We hung out, caught up, had fun with the kids, and got girlfriend pedis, which are the best kind. 
Miss anything: Can't think of anything...
Ultrasound count to date:  Friday made it 15.  Fluid level looked good (22cm) and baby is head down again.
Movement: Slowing down a bit as she gets bigger and longer.  Also, she likes to try and stretch out, and I feel her from the top of my belly to the bottom (her head is pretty low!). 
Cravings: Ice.  Chocolate (peeps) (or chocolate anything, really).
Queasy or sick: Aside from that wonky NST and a rough throat that I can't decide is because of threatening cold or the horrible air quality?  No. 
Looking forward to: Making final preparations to get ready for this baby girl.  I'm trying to keep myself busy with some last-minute things I'd like to get done over the next week and a half, hoping it will make the time pass faster.

**Weekly update from perinatolgist's office:  So, after I nearly passed out, they took my blood pressure a couple more times, and it was perfect each time.  They did a more detailed ultrasound (a biophysical profile in addition to a growth ultrasound) and it wasn't until the ultrasound was almost over that I really felt better, albeit very tired with a slight headache. Baby girl, although not very active on the NST, looked great on ultrasound - practicing breathing, moving, etc. - and it looks like she's about 5.5 pounds right now, with lots of hair.  My blood-sugar was a bit high and the midwife said my fainting episode might have been because of a spike in blood sugar after breakfast, followed by a quick drop (and that I need more protein for breakfast!), but it could have been several things, really (that table was really uncomfortable, for instance).

~Nichole

36 Weeks

How far along: 36 weeks
Gender: Girl!
Weight gain:  28 pounds 
Stretch marks:  Nope.
Belly button in or out: In!
Sleep: We moved the boys' bed and A started magically sleeping through the night again (I just jinxed it - watch).  But I'm still up every few hours. 
Worst moment(s) this week: Having the same perinatologist who gave me so much hope last week immediately dash that hope once she saw baby's foot still up by her head (which I knew all along).  I'm completely and totally nervous now that a c-section is the only option and it's for real.  We're scheduled for the 7th.  I mean, we're really officially scheduled!!
Best moment(s) this week: Spring cleaning-slash-nesting.  My house looks sorta awesome (though some areas still have a layer of dirt or two that needs tending to - and the strewn-about kids toys are less, but still prevalent).  Also, I've been sewing more dresses.
Miss anything: Sleep.  For serious.
Ultrasound count to date:  Friday made it 14.  Fluid level looked good (17cm), but baby was transverse, with her poor little face mushed against my belly.  We haven't had a profile shot in something like 6 weeks.
Movement: She's still in there, rolling around like crazy sometimes.
Cravings: Ice water.  Lemonade.  Lemon brownies. 
Queasy or sick: Still feeling worn on the edges from not sleeping well and like a physical collapse might be imminent...
Looking forward to: My best friend coming into town for a few days!  And for 2.5 weeks from now, when we all get to meet this baby girl!  (The next 2.5 weeks almost can't go fast enough!)

**Weekly update from perinatolgist's office: Baby girl is still looking good on her non-stress tests.  She looked good on ultrasound too, aside from being transverse-slash-oblique and being a little squished in that position.  Turns out I probably won't even get to meet the perinatologist who is scheduled to do my c section before I go in... nothing like operating room introductions!  My very favorite part of the visit (aside from the fact that they got me in and out quickly!) was before the visit, when C was saying goodbye as I dropped him off and he told me to "take my shots like a man" that day.  Maybe I complained too much about the Tdap stinging the week before?  I don't know, but that kid cracks me up!

~Nichole

35 Weeks (Better Late Than Never!)

yes.  I really AM this tired...

How far along: 35 weeks
Gender: Girl!
Weight gain:  28 pounds 
Stretch marks:  Nope.
Belly button in or out: Still an innie.
Sleep: I'm up at least 4 times a night all on my own, either peeing or itching, or trying to get comfortable.  Add any kid wakings to this, and the sleeping is nicht so gut.  I try to squeeze naps in whenever I can!
Worst moment(s) this week: Standing inside of Target listening to a newborn baby cry and wanting to cry along with him (instead of going "awwwwww" like normal people do).  I think there's a general feeling in our house that this is really going to happen and that we're probably not as emotionally ready as we might want to be.  A newborn in about FOUR* weeks!  Whoa!
Best moment(s) this week: My shower was so fun! 
Miss anything: Sleeping well.  And non-painful hips.
Ultrasound count to date:  Friday's ultrasound was lucky #13! (Except not so lucky... see update below.)
Movement: I've gotten to where if I can be really still and feel her a couple of times a day, I'm good.  I know her space is running out, and I can't feel her move as well because her limbs don't move - and at this stage that's about the only thing that can usually move...
Cravings: I'm loving cantaloupe popsicles (the current version features a few strawberries thrown in)!  And lemonade.  And ice water.  And I can't decide of Greek or Mexican food sounds better to me at this point. 
Queasy or sick: A little worn on the edges from not sleeping (translation: sore throat is threatening), but doing good otherwise. 
Looking forward to: Finding out what position this baby is in - limbs and all - and making some decisions about how to get her here the safest way possible.**

* Really, it's more like 3.5 weeks.  Double whoa!

** Update on perinatology visit: This week was triple fun!  Baby looked good on the non-stress test, as she always does.  And my fluid levels are good.  I told the tech about the doc wanting to check the limb positioning before we make any decisions about delivery.  She did and went and got the doc, who - because of that piked up right foot near baby's head - was adamant about c-section.  She said that the doctor who will perform the c-section can make the incision a little larger to try and make it easier to get her out, but that regular delivery didn't seem feasible.  She looked at the schedule for May 7, 8, and 9 and told me it was the same doctor those three days.  Of course it's a doctor I've never met.  And of course M had many questions I didn't think of asking (but couldn't be there because of work).

After that, I saw the midwife who wanted to recheck my liver panels because I've been itching again the last few days.  And then did the Group B Strep test.  And checked my cervix (closed!).  And said I needed another Tdap vax.

Long story short, I got the definitive news I'm going to be sectioned AND I got swabbed, poked, poked, and poked.  (Side note: the Tdap stung pretty good for like a half hour and made me really really hope that's not how the Dtap vax feels for my kids.  Man, I hate vaccines.)  Despite all this, it was the first visit where I sort of felt like everyone finally knows me there, and that, despite the strangeness of everything, my care there really is pretty comprehensive rather than piecemeal.  That was kind of nice.

~Nichole

April Showers Bring May Flowers

I can't believe I failed to explicitly mention my baby shower in my last post!  That's ok though, because it really deserves a post of its own!

There are very few pics where I don't look like a dork (even though M said "you look pretty!" - poor guy doesn't get to see me with my hair done or with makeup on very often lately).  Anyway, here goes with the photos. 

Baby's first Nana card!  (Nana cards are always specially hand-colored!)

Could newborn sized clothes BE any cuter?

This blanket was so soft, I wanted to lay on it!

Ladybug butt!  It's even cute blurry!

I'm really having a GIRL!

The handmade-by-grandma blanket!

Hellooooo everybody!

The handiwork of a talented sister

Yup.  Dork.

It was a wonderful time!  I got to see some of my favorite people, eat some seriously good food, catch up with friends, and "ooh" and "ahh" appropriately over all the cute girl things (and all the little baby baby dolls this girl received! so cute!).

Amigurumi doll made by my sister (she learned how just for me!)

My sisters and mom outdid themselves, I was honored by those who were there in person and in spirit.  I'm never really sure how to adequately respond to the generosity of so many people coming together to make me feel special.

I think the way I respond immediately is by eating my weight in everything sweet, like the cinnamon chips and cream cheese nutella dip my mom made.  And cake, mmmmm cake!

White cake with strawberry mousse filling and buttercream, with pink lemonade cake balls on the side!

And then there's this little gem:

They make bottle feeding look good!

A HUGE and extra special thanks to my sister for being the mastermind and hostess with the mostest! 

It rained and poured with the generous thoughts, presents and presence of so many we love; now we're ready for this little May flower of ours to bloom!

~Nichole

34 Weeks

How far along: 34 weeks
Gender: One soon-to-be very well-dressed baby GIRL!
Weight gain:  26 pounds 
Maternity clothes: Not as many as you would think for how big my belly is getting.
Stretch marks:  Nope.
Belly button in or out: In. Wedding ring is long gone...
Sleep: I basically sleep in two-hour stretches.  My bladder and my 22 mo. old are apparently working together to try and prepare me for a newborn.  Thank goodness for the times M steps in and takes over (with the 22 mo. old, not the bladder)!
Worst moment these past two weeks: These have been a BIG few weeks!  And besides the sleeping issues, there haven't been a lot of "worst" moments.  Still, the internal battle over how much to push with the perinatology office has not been fun.
Best moment(s) these past two weeks: Lots of them!  My last day of work, C LOVING wearing underwear and being potty trained, A transitioning to cloth diapers really well, good non-stress tests, starting back with yoga for this poor, pregnant body of mine, and having an actual perinatologist unexpectedly come in to see me and having a decent conversation about options other than cesarean delivery (then having her call an hour later and say she was re-reviewing my chart and wants to do a complete scan to make notes of baby's body and limb positioning before we make any decisions).  All of THIS is what I've been waiting for!  (But especially the perinatologist part!)
Miss anything: A small belly.  Everyone closest to me (M and the boys) have commented on how big it is.  [C said "it's just going to get bigger!" And I said "yes, and then she'll come out and it won't anymore." And he said "Then you'll get skinny!" and I said "yes!! Let's do that!]
Ultrasound count to date:  We've had a total of 12 ultrasounds!  Whoa!
Movement: Yes, but not as often or as large now that she's settled into one position (still face down, head down).  Still, this girl moves a lot more than you'd expect, and I can feel her back and butt moving across my belly like a metronome, counting down the weeks and days until we get to meet each other.  It's great!
Cravings: Not really.  But I'm getting ready to make some canteloupe popsicles and banana bread, so maybe those subliminally?
Queasy or sick: A little "off" if I eat too much, especially in the mornings. Or if I go too long in the afternoons without eating.  Weird. 
Looking forward to: The detailed ultrasound scan next week and seeing if attempting a normal delivery is going to be an option for us! 

**Update on perinatologist visit: When a doctor I've seen in the background since my first visit at the perinatology office walked into the NST room last Friday, I was VERY happy.  Not only was I finally officially meeting this doctor, but it was my chance to ask the questions that were swirling in my head.  She was of the opinion that vaginal delivery would not only be possible, but preferable.  Surprising to me, but she explained that cesarean is major surgery for me and, since they can only cut me open so much, does not necessarily guarantee best outcomes for the baby.  She said it's preferable to let baby try to find her own positioning on the way out, rather than being pulled or pushed to get her through an incision site.  She consulted with another perinatologist on site, and he agreed.  She said the c-section threshold would still be very low (either doc or me could "say the word" and we'd be there immediately), but I was just thrilled to have that option open back up.  I did express concern about her legs and how that would be done, but their consensus was the same. 

The doc then called back an hour later, and said "I don't know if you remember, but I did your first scan and noted the baby's positioning" and I told her she's sort of been in the background scenes since the beginning.  She said she had been reviewing everything and wants to have the positioning of everything before we make any decisions.  She said we want to "play it smart".  This doctor on that day was definitely a blessing!  I definitely have more questions (and so does M), but the fact that we're having this dialogue is fantastic.

Baby girl continues to look fantastic not only on her non-stress tests, but also on ultrasound.  Moving around and practicing breathing like crazy! 

~Nichole

32 Weeks

this is the definition of "cooked": no makeup, hair not done... this might be as good as it gets from here on out, folks.

How far along: 32 weeks
Gender: Baby girl
Weight gain:  24 pounds 
Stretch marks:  Nope.
Belly button in or out: In. And wedding ring is out! :(
Sleep: Was horrendous, but is slowly getting better (and I probably just jinxed it).
Worst moment(s) this week: I had a perfectly nice perinatologist walk into my appointment (when I expected a NP) and got my hopes up that he could be someone I really like (and maybe see more than once?), only to have him say as he left "well, good luck if I don't see you again".  Seriously!? So, of course, then I had more mid-night mental arguments with faceless perinatologists before finally resolving to be patient for a few more weeks before calling the neonatologist and demanding he instruct his people to watch every move the perinatologist makes when getting baby out "because these people don't know that the hell they are doing".  Oh, then there was the time that I googled "pregnancy itching at night" and learned I could possibly have a liver condition that could harm baby's liver and cause stillbirth.  So, blood tests, here I come!
Best moment(s) this week: Passing our first "real" non-stress test!  And, strangely enough for me, looking forward to my baby shower.  I have been more than usually reluctant this time, because I didn't see the point in having to dictate clothing options, and have sometimes been lost in a land of worry, etc. etc.  But the thought of this shower is really helping me tip the scales less toward worrying and more toward the realization that this baby girl will be a baby first and foremost.  She'll be cute and cuddly and new and wonderful and all those new baby things.  She will not just be her needs or her condition.  And in the vacuum that is expectancy of a child with "something wrong"... sometimes it's hard to see that, especially when it's buried under the layers of all that comes with it.
Miss anything: Sleep, glorious sleep...
Movement: There've been a few times I've been worried.  But I can always count on her moving a bunch as I'm laying the boys down to bed.  The promise of twice-weekly non-stress tests is definitely helping to ease my mind.
Cravings: I really wish fruit featured more heavily in my diet these days.  More fruit and less chocolate would be great. 
Queasy or sick: Nope! 
Looking forward to: My very last day of work next Thursday!  (Whoa!)

**Update on perinatologist visits: Baby is looking good on non-stress tests.  For the second test, I ate a snack and had some cold water in the waiting room like they suggested, and she performed beautifully.  After sufficiently freaking myself out with Google, I decided to mention the itching to the CNM I saw on Friday.

They ran panels for my liver function to test for cholestasis, a pregnancy-induced condition where hormones make the transport of bile to the liver slow down and it builds up in your bloodstream.  This means that it taxes not only your own liver, but baby's as well, since the blood supply is shared (thank you, symbiosis!).  I won't get the results back for at least a week, but have started on prescription medication and a self-prescribed supplement in the meantime, just in case.  While an earlier delivery at 37 weeks sounds heavenly, I am definitely keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have cholestasis.  Poor baby doesn't need another hurdle to leap over!

They did a quick ultrasound to check my fluid (looking good! yea!) and she was head down and face down.  I became convinced she was stuck that way and later laid tilted up on pillows to try and get her unstuck.  I don't know if I succeeded, but there've been a couple of dicey moments with the movement.  When she shifts big, it's painful because a rigid right foot or a bent out left knee will poke something and I have to brace for impact...

C keeps asking me when I go to my "doctor's ma-ppointment" if they're going to "take her out".  I keep telling him "not today".  On Friday, we braved up and took the boys to the ultrasound and to see the CNM, just for fun.  Bad idea.  They will never be coming to another "ma-ppointment" again!


~Nichole

30 Weeks and 31 Weeks

How far along: 31 weeks
Gender: Girl (except for the last couple of days when I've been in a Twilight Zone thinking it's a "he"... What!?)
Weight gain:  23 pounds 
Maternity clothes: Increasingly.  (boo.)
Stretch marks:  Nope.
Belly button in or out: In. But my wedding ring is very nearly "out".
Sleep: OMG.  So BAD, you guys!  I start getting itchy right about the time I am falling into sleep.  And the peeing.  And the children... ugh. Last "night", I didn't get to sleep until around 3:30 in the morning!
Worst moment these past two weeks: I can't remember back that far, but feeling a little panicked over how to get her into an infant seat was not fun.  And this morning was a little tough.  I was turning to drop the boys off and saw a man crossing the street with a significant (possibly club-footed) limp and some limitation of his upper limbs too and it unhinged me.  It made me sad about what the world does to people who are "different" and made me pray my daughter has the strength of character to withstand it. 
Best moment(s) these past two weeks: I finally finished the NICU smocks!  And today was my going away party at work!  As much as I resisted it, it was good to say "see ya" to people I've worked with over the last 7.5 years.  Also, I came across this website, and Tracy's newborn photos are the closest I've found online to what I'm seeing on ultrasound - except my baby's legs are opposite from how hers are.
Miss anything: Sleep! 
Movement: Sometimes downright stealthy, which freaks me out.  And also late at night (and all night long), which makes me feel better.
Cravings: I need me some Waffle Love.
Queasy or sick: Nope! 
Looking forward to: Upcoming twice weekly non-stress tests and weekly ultrasounds.  AND potty training C, version 2.0.  AND switching A to cloth diapers.  (In other words, there's a lot of poop in my near future!)


~Nichole