~Nichole
3.30.2010
Ch-Ch-Changes
I’m feeling a change coming on. Maybe it’s that I’m missing firmness. Maybe it’s that my hair is falling out in smaller and smaller clumps. Maybe it’s that I’m overly emotional and am sent to tears pretty easily lately over silly things. (Want a for instance? The thought of putting away winter baby clothes that are barely worn and that he hasn’t quite outgrown and knowing that he’ll never wear them again. I think about it and the eyes brim over.) I’m telling you, something is up. Just want it on the record.
3.29.2010
Officially Different
The boy had his 4 month visit last week. He’s had a growth spurt, which we noticed by the fact that his car seat straps needed to be adjusted and a once too-big hat is now too small. He weighs 16 lbs, 12 oz (75th percentile for weight), is 26.5 inches tall (90th percentile for height) and his head is 45 cm around (17.7 inches - 97th percentile). They checked his head twice because “it looks like he’s had a growth spurt”. Yup.
I held my breath when she looked in his ears. Healthy! (Phew!) Somehow (breastmilk) he managed to escape the clutches of the sickness I’d had for the last 2 weeks. (Why is it that a pediatrician saying “wow he’s doing good! (developmentally)” simultaneously makes you beam with pride and happiness and becomes like gospel truth? “well the doctor said and if the doc said it, it must be true!”)
And so, we (and by “we” I mean “I”) decided to give the go ahead for a couple of vaccinations. We’re officially on an “alternative vaccination schedule”. He’s had 2 rounds of Hep B. He will not be getting the 3rd dose (baby #2 will not get any when that time comes). And he’ll only be getting Pc, HIB, and DTaP until he’s school age, when we’ll add MMR and maybe Polio and Chickenpox.
He tolerated the shots well.
We'll see if his dad does as well next time. Dad gets shot duty next time. My relation of the story of the shots nearly made him cry. The tiny bruise on C's left thigh from the needle didn't help either. Dad may cry more than the baby. . .
I held my breath when she looked in his ears. Healthy! (Phew!) Somehow (breastmilk) he managed to escape the clutches of the sickness I’d had for the last 2 weeks. (Why is it that a pediatrician saying “wow he’s doing good! (developmentally)” simultaneously makes you beam with pride and happiness and becomes like gospel truth? “well the doctor said and if the doc said it, it must be true!”)
And so, we (and by “we” I mean “I”) decided to give the go ahead for a couple of vaccinations. We’re officially on an “alternative vaccination schedule”. He’s had 2 rounds of Hep B. He will not be getting the 3rd dose (baby #2 will not get any when that time comes). And he’ll only be getting Pc, HIB, and DTaP until he’s school age, when we’ll add MMR and maybe Polio and Chickenpox.
He tolerated the shots well.
We'll see if his dad does as well next time. Dad gets shot duty next time. My relation of the story of the shots nearly made him cry. The tiny bruise on C's left thigh from the needle didn't help either. Dad may cry more than the baby. . .
~Nichole
3.22.2010
Postscript
P.S. My breast pump tried to swallow my nipple whole tonight. It did not feel good.
He's worth it, though!~Nichole
The Great Deflate
I’ve been thinking lately about my breasts. Deep thoughts. About how they finally have a purpose. About how they are finally fulfilling their density. . . I mean their destiny. (Quick! What movie is that a reference to?) About how they've deflated. My husband's words, not mine (though he's right). *sigh*
In honor of the fact that “the girls” have filled the measure of their creation, I pass along this little gem recently sent to me by my mom:
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk’, worth 70 points or none at all.
One student in particular was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally in desperation just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang he wrote....
7) It comes in 2 cute containers.
He got an A.
In honor of the fact that “the girls” have filled the measure of their creation, I pass along this little gem recently sent to me by my mom:
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk’, worth 70 points or none at all.
One student in particular was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally in desperation just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang he wrote....
7) It comes in 2 cute containers.
He got an A.
~Nichole
3.17.2010
Wanna Hear It?
. . . Here it go:
~Apparently, we created quite a stir with our son’s name – at least in M’s family. My MIL has had her name for 70-something years, and I imagine that it’s strange for her to hear it and wonder whether they mean her or our son. Some of them call him C, others call him Ezzie, and still others call him Zeke – a nickname derivative of his middle name (‘cause “it’s cool”). Whatever.
~Sickness has made us lose our ability to reason this week. After getting our tax assessment statement and realizing that by next year our house will be “worth” almost half of what we owe on it, for about 2 seconds we considered foreclosing and walking away. Then, we eased off the trigger finger and took some deep breaths and came up a limp-along strategy. This same madness made me panic about my weight this week (that last 10 pounds! And then some. . . ). I’ve plateaued and I realize that I need to both sleep and exercise more (how oxymoronic, if you ask me). But, ultimately I backed off that ledge, too. I have, however, increased my water intake and am eating more fruits. Still working on the veggies.
~I cannot believe how big my boy is getting! Every time I turn around sleeves are suddenly too short and sleepers are too tight. “They grow up fast” sounds like a tired cliché until you’re going through it!
~One sick and rainy day this week all I wanted to do was stay home with him and cuddle. Instead, I cried, prayed, went to work, and thanked my MIL profusely for caring for him so that it’s easier to be away knowing he’s with people who love him so much. The very next day, I felt glad to be leaving the house and to have some measure of my former independence/life still preserved. I don’t know what this emotional juxtaposition means, exactly, but I know there’s not much I can do about it until M graduates, so I’m determined to remain happy with the way things are right now.
~L’s baby has a double ear infection and RSV. M and I have been sick, and I’m really hoping C has dodged the bullet and will stay healthy.
~I’m soooo tired! I fantasize about napping. I crave Saturdays because when C goes back to sleep for his morning nap, I can too.
~I may or may not have recently teared up after discovering I had accidentally left breastmilk to ruin in my cooler over the weekend.
~Nichole
3.03.2010
The Answer to My Quandary
Remember when I was wondering what women do when there’s no “next baby”? Having only just begun, but knowing my childbearing years probably won’t extend much past one more pregnancy, I obsess a bit much. The whole topic sends me into an anxious quandary.
I was in the mother’s room at church on a recent Sunday and asked one such woman what it’s like. With not a hint of panic, she said “it’ll just feel right” – though, admittedly, she worries about the day in the not-so-distant future when they will be forced to take down the crib of her 1-year old (her last) and transition him to a big boy bed. She worries she’ll cry on that day.
But, for the most part, according to her, it’ll end as it began – with an inner knowledge of what’s right for you and your family. Which makes sense to me.
So I make a promise to myself not to obsess so much. But I’m smothered here, remember? I have been 100% immersed by pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood – by all of it, the whole experience. And I want it all to last as long as possible and not let one drop of it slip through my fingers.
I was in the mother’s room at church on a recent Sunday and asked one such woman what it’s like. With not a hint of panic, she said “it’ll just feel right” – though, admittedly, she worries about the day in the not-so-distant future when they will be forced to take down the crib of her 1-year old (her last) and transition him to a big boy bed. She worries she’ll cry on that day.
But, for the most part, according to her, it’ll end as it began – with an inner knowledge of what’s right for you and your family. Which makes sense to me.
So I make a promise to myself not to obsess so much. But I’m smothered here, remember? I have been 100% immersed by pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood – by all of it, the whole experience. And I want it all to last as long as possible and not let one drop of it slip through my fingers.
~Nichole
3.01.2010
Water is Magic
If I didn’t before, I do now: I swear by water. Oh how thankful I am for the creation of this wondrous liquid!
I credit water with lots of things. I recently told a friend, with all seriousness, that "water is my solution to everything". It keeps my skin clear. It keeps my system working properly. It’s the reason I don’t have stretch marks on my belly. (Not one!) It’s why I’m steadily dropping pregnancy pounds. And recently, now that I’m back up to 2-3 liters a day, it’s the reason my milk supply has been so healthy.
I love water!
I credit water with lots of things. I recently told a friend, with all seriousness, that "water is my solution to everything". It keeps my skin clear. It keeps my system working properly. It’s the reason I don’t have stretch marks on my belly. (Not one!) It’s why I’m steadily dropping pregnancy pounds. And recently, now that I’m back up to 2-3 liters a day, it’s the reason my milk supply has been so healthy.
I love water!
~Nichole
2.20.2010
Childcare Conundrum
One of the major concerns I had before ever getting pregnant was about child care. Having worked at a day care center before starting college, I already knew that was not the ideal setting for us. Ideally, our baby would be in an in-home group care setting with a low infant to caregiver ratio, or, better yet, with someone who could provide one on one attention.
I asked for referrals from friends and associates, I researched care providers online, I even scoured Craigslist for providers with training in early childhood development. I called around to a few and wasn't feeling it. I even researched day care centers just in case, but was still freaked out about the potential of having him in a room with 9 other babies and only 2 care providers.
Then, I had a baby.
And immediately felt it impossible to leave him with anyone.
Fortunately for us, his grandparents agreed. They are in their 70s - albeit very healthy 70s -so when their offer to care for him was uttered, we were hesitant. We thought about it for weeks. Once we knew what M's part-time schedule would look like, we discussed our concerns with all of our options, and decided to have a sit down with M's folks and see if their offer still stood.
Of course it did.
Now we have 3 strollers, 2 pack in plays, 2 bouncers, 1 gym, double the books, double the toys, double the bottles. . .
We've just passed the 3 week mark and so far, so good. They talk to him, they walk with him, they dance with him, watch football with him, play with him, love him. Better than one on one, that boy gets two on one attention.
We think we're the lucky ones to have such loving care for our boy. They insist they are the lucky ones to have him in their home.
All I know is you have never seen 4 adults more anxious over the bowel habits of one little baby (who hasn't had a soiled diaper since Tuesday). . . tonight we called them to report that he did, indeed, "finally go". We all rejoiced together.
I've decided he's the lucky one.
~Nichole
2.17.2010
All the Difference
It’s been just over two weeks ago that I returned to work. I have to say that working is easier than taking care of a baby. Easier, but not better. It’s the missing him part that’s so incredibly hard. . . (that and not being able to sleep during the day when he’s napping). I’ve had fits of tear-blurred eyes at work, in the grocery store, but have come to find that the only safe place to cry is in the shower. I miss that little face so much some days that it hurts.
Yesterday I returned to work from a 4-day weekend of uninterrupted baby and daddy time. I held up better than I imagined I would. Only one episode of blurry, tear-filled vision all day. You can’t blame me, really. The boy’s grandparents took pictures of him and e-mailed them to me. It was a given that I should get verklempt.
This past weekend, when I was less emotional, I worked on his room. (I almost typed “nursery” but M said this past weekend how much he hates that reference, so I deleted it and said “room”.) It’s finally done. (It only took 3 months!) Last week, as I was going through the clothes he’s outgrown, I kept running in and interrupting M’s studies with a hurried whisper (so as not to wake the sleeping baby),“Look at how tiny this is! He fit into this! Can you believe it?”
There’s a comfort and a strange concoction of contentment, pride and anticipation in saying “I’ll put it away for the next baby!” followed by the underlying, nagging thought of “what happens when there’s no ‘next baby’?”
When I think of places we’ve been and things we’ve done and picture them in my head, I have a hard time realizing that it was “BC” – Before C. It feels like he’s always been here, and yet, there was a whole life before him. (Whole, certainly, but incomplete, no?)
On my first day back to work, people asked “how do you feel being back?” and my honest response came as both a shock and a revelation to me: “I feel like a different person.” How true that is: I am a different person.
Before C, I would look at pregnant women and think “ugh! That just doesn’t look like fun!” and then I got (and stayed) pregnant, had a baby and am now a card-carrying member of the mommy brigade. Recently, I gushingly congratulated someone on being pregnant for the second time and was a little surprised about how excited I really was for her. How excited I am for all those in my ward who are in the same poopy-pantsed-just-starting-our-childrearing-years boat as me. How I l-o-v-e LOVE to watch all these new moms with their babies, how touched I was to watch a mom with her 2-week old newborn and see how her face positively lit up as his dad handed him to her, and to know that I light up the same way when I’m with my boy.
It’s quite amazing how much one little person can change you. (There I go getting all verklempt again! )
(Give me moment while my eyes clear. .. .)
This past Saturday, C was blessed by his Tata in our home. I forgot that Tata gets all verklempt too, and when he does, he whispers. I had to ask M later what was said in the blessing. I was surprised to find that I already knew almost all of it, though it was tough to hear at the time. As his Tata pronounced the blessing, mostly in whispers, the Spirit whispered it to me. That boy is an incredibly special little spirit and it’s just mind boggling that I’m his mom.
On so many occasions lately, I find myself grateful.
Yesterday I returned to work from a 4-day weekend of uninterrupted baby and daddy time. I held up better than I imagined I would. Only one episode of blurry, tear-filled vision all day. You can’t blame me, really. The boy’s grandparents took pictures of him and e-mailed them to me. It was a given that I should get verklempt.
This past weekend, when I was less emotional, I worked on his room. (I almost typed “nursery” but M said this past weekend how much he hates that reference, so I deleted it and said “room”.) It’s finally done. (It only took 3 months!) Last week, as I was going through the clothes he’s outgrown, I kept running in and interrupting M’s studies with a hurried whisper (so as not to wake the sleeping baby),“Look at how tiny this is! He fit into this! Can you believe it?”
There’s a comfort and a strange concoction of contentment, pride and anticipation in saying “I’ll put it away for the next baby!” followed by the underlying, nagging thought of “what happens when there’s no ‘next baby’?”
When I think of places we’ve been and things we’ve done and picture them in my head, I have a hard time realizing that it was “BC” – Before C. It feels like he’s always been here, and yet, there was a whole life before him. (Whole, certainly, but incomplete, no?)
On my first day back to work, people asked “how do you feel being back?” and my honest response came as both a shock and a revelation to me: “I feel like a different person.” How true that is: I am a different person.
Before C, I would look at pregnant women and think “ugh! That just doesn’t look like fun!” and then I got (and stayed) pregnant, had a baby and am now a card-carrying member of the mommy brigade. Recently, I gushingly congratulated someone on being pregnant for the second time and was a little surprised about how excited I really was for her. How excited I am for all those in my ward who are in the same poopy-pantsed-just-starting-our-childrearing-years boat as me. How I l-o-v-e LOVE to watch all these new moms with their babies, how touched I was to watch a mom with her 2-week old newborn and see how her face positively lit up as his dad handed him to her, and to know that I light up the same way when I’m with my boy.
It’s quite amazing how much one little person can change you. (There I go getting all verklempt again! )
(Give me moment while my eyes clear. .. .)
This past Saturday, C was blessed by his Tata in our home. I forgot that Tata gets all verklempt too, and when he does, he whispers. I had to ask M later what was said in the blessing. I was surprised to find that I already knew almost all of it, though it was tough to hear at the time. As his Tata pronounced the blessing, mostly in whispers, the Spirit whispered it to me. That boy is an incredibly special little spirit and it’s just mind boggling that I’m his mom.
On so many occasions lately, I find myself grateful.
~Nichole
2.09.2010
Postpartum Head to Toe
Here’s a review of what pregnancy did to me – for better (↑), for worse (↓), or whatever (↔)
HAIR
(↓) They weren’t lying when they said “your hair will fall out in clumps”! My hair murals in the shower are much more interesting. I get about as much falling out in one day as I used to get in a week. No joke. . .
(↑) I chopped my lighter ends off and have been complimented on the color several times.
HEAD
(↓) I got a wicked migraine right after childbirth for about a week. I’ve also had a headache now for 4 days. Then again, I did stop taking my mag every day like I was during pregnancy. . .
FACE
(↑) I’ve also been complimented on my complexion. Not only have I not had as many bouts with adult acne, but apparently my pigmentation, which is blotchy from the dastardly combination of sunburns and birth control, got much darker while I was pregnant. No “glow” for me during, but after? Apparently the answer is yes.
BREASTS
(↔) On one hand, it’s nice to have cleavage; on the other, it’s strange that I’m one of those “women who are breastfeeding” that commercials are always saying should “talk to your doctor”. Also strange? That they fill up and let down. Who knew?! Also? Not so thrilled with the fact that my “areolas are interesting” (as my OB would say).
HANDS
(↔) I can wear a silver band again, but will not force my wedding ring until I’ve lost a few more pounds.
BELLY
(↓) One word: pudge. I’m convinced it won’t be there forever. Even so. . .never had it like this before, so who’s to say?
(↔) My skin is stretched, but is slowly regaining its tone (and is much better than it was immediately postpartum). Also, I did, to my surprise, get a linea negra. Still there. . .
(↑) I did not get a single stretch mark on my belly. I don’t know whether to credit good water intake or good genes for this blessing of the gods.
BUTT
(↑) Hooray that I escaped exploding-pregnant-ass syndrome!
BACK
(↓) My tailbone has been sore since immediately after childbirth. In fact, a sore tailbone and an explosive migraine were the reasons I gave for requesting pain meds in the hospital. It flares up every now and then and has taken to “popping” now that I’m back at work.
THIGHS
(↔) Didn’t get huge, so yea! But stretch marks that were there from my mission weight gain turned red and are finally starting to lighten again.
LEGS
(↑) Are no longer restless!!
FEET
(↓) I think I may have gained a half a size. At least that’s what my most recent purchase of high heels tells me.
(↑) Not a week goes by that I don’t admire (and feel grateful for the return) of my small, unswollen feet.
WEIGHT
(↔) I gained 40-ish pounds. I have lost 27. Technically, I have 13 more to go to get to my pre-pregnant weight. That said, before I got pregnant, I had gained back 5 pounds from my lowest-weight-in-years weight, which was about 10 -12 pounds more than my goal weight. The solution to this wacky math problem? I’ve got about 25-30 more pounds to lose. . .
HAIR
(↓) They weren’t lying when they said “your hair will fall out in clumps”! My hair murals in the shower are much more interesting. I get about as much falling out in one day as I used to get in a week. No joke. . .
(↑) I chopped my lighter ends off and have been complimented on the color several times.
HEAD
(↓) I got a wicked migraine right after childbirth for about a week. I’ve also had a headache now for 4 days. Then again, I did stop taking my mag every day like I was during pregnancy. . .
FACE
(↑) I’ve also been complimented on my complexion. Not only have I not had as many bouts with adult acne, but apparently my pigmentation, which is blotchy from the dastardly combination of sunburns and birth control, got much darker while I was pregnant. No “glow” for me during, but after? Apparently the answer is yes.
BREASTS
(↔) On one hand, it’s nice to have cleavage; on the other, it’s strange that I’m one of those “women who are breastfeeding” that commercials are always saying should “talk to your doctor”. Also strange? That they fill up and let down. Who knew?! Also? Not so thrilled with the fact that my “areolas are interesting” (as my OB would say).
HANDS
(↔) I can wear a silver band again, but will not force my wedding ring until I’ve lost a few more pounds.
BELLY
(↓) One word: pudge. I’m convinced it won’t be there forever. Even so. . .never had it like this before, so who’s to say?
(↔) My skin is stretched, but is slowly regaining its tone (and is much better than it was immediately postpartum). Also, I did, to my surprise, get a linea negra. Still there. . .
(↑) I did not get a single stretch mark on my belly. I don’t know whether to credit good water intake or good genes for this blessing of the gods.
BUTT
(↑) Hooray that I escaped exploding-pregnant-ass syndrome!
BACK
(↓) My tailbone has been sore since immediately after childbirth. In fact, a sore tailbone and an explosive migraine were the reasons I gave for requesting pain meds in the hospital. It flares up every now and then and has taken to “popping” now that I’m back at work.
THIGHS
(↔) Didn’t get huge, so yea! But stretch marks that were there from my mission weight gain turned red and are finally starting to lighten again.
LEGS
(↑) Are no longer restless!!
FEET
(↓) I think I may have gained a half a size. At least that’s what my most recent purchase of high heels tells me.
(↑) Not a week goes by that I don’t admire (and feel grateful for the return) of my small, unswollen feet.
WEIGHT
(↔) I gained 40-ish pounds. I have lost 27. Technically, I have 13 more to go to get to my pre-pregnant weight. That said, before I got pregnant, I had gained back 5 pounds from my lowest-weight-in-years weight, which was about 10 -12 pounds more than my goal weight. The solution to this wacky math problem? I’ve got about 25-30 more pounds to lose. . .
~Nichole
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