Rare breed

Typical signs of pregnancy I've had so far: sore boobs, wacko gastrointestinal issues (lack of appetite/constipation/the opposite of constipation), dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, headaches, backaches, frequent urination. . .

Signs of pregnancy I've had that make me a bit of an anomaly: implantation bleeding, implantation cramping, curious weight loss (just like my mom), positive hpt the day before my missed period

That is all. . .

~Nichole

Sigh of Relief

I laid awake last night having difficulty sleeping. I was praying. A lot. I told Heavenly Father that all I want for my birthday is a healthy pregnancy, how I think we're ready, but that I'll accept whatever He has for me.

Then I got up to pee 2 times during the night.

So, this morning was a slow one. On the way in to work, I decided to check and see if my doc's office had called yet. Yep, a voice message.

I called back and M-A told me the sweetest words I may have ever heard: "we got your results back and there is a very low probablility of an ectopic pregnancy. your progesterone was 16.5!"

Phew!

I mean, officially, my doc's words "we'll just take things one day at a time" are still ringing in my head, especially since I'm only 4 weeks and 4 days along.

But, hey - at least it's not ectopic. Prayer answered. I see my doc on my b-day and I'm thinking I'm going to get exactly what I'm wishing for. . .

~Nichole

Kind of officially Official (Sort of)

On Thursday, I went walking with L, who's also "trying" and had a vision of the two of us with rotund pregnant bellies.

Friday morning brought a negative home pregnancy test.

Saturday, M had his hand on my belly and asked if his baby was in there.

On Sunday, I was feeling dizzy (which happened on and off all last week, and which I attributed to sinus yuckiness) and had a yucky stomach. I got through my lesson without having to sit down and without falling over.

Last night I went to bed debating with myself when to take (another) hpt. This morning I woke up with visions of babies and having had a dream of myself rocking a sleepy toddler on my lap, his/her front to my front, legs wrapped around my waist.

Deciding that was a decent sign, I took a digital ept test. It said "pregnant". I went in and announced to M, who was in the shower, that "my eggo is preggo". He said "Congratulations! Are you happy?" I said "Nervous. I'm going to call the doctor today."

I went to the doc. I'm only 4 weeks, 3 days - waaaayy too early to see anything even by transvaginal ultrasound. They took blood and put in a "stat" order. I freaked them out by telling them I'll be out of the country from the 29th to the 10th. That's prime ectopic trouble time, and we're all trying to confirm whether I'll have that issue with this pregnancy or not.

So. I'm cautiously optimistic. Dr. M said that if my progesterone is high ("like about 12"), he feels I'll be OK. I felt like a ball of nerves before my visit, and calm afterward - even though I knew nothing more than I did walking in there. Oh, except I have fluid around both of my ovaries "which isn't necessarily bad news". That's all I could have hoped for at this point I suppose.

I call tomorrow for the quant results. I looked in my journal where I taped in my handwritten notes from last time. At 6 weeks, my hcg was 3,300 and my progesterone was only 5. Not good numbers. This time I'm hoping that hcg is getting up there and that the prog is "about a 12".

In the meantime, I'll be waiting and crossing my fingers until I see him again next Monday. And hoping my uterus score isn't a big fat "zero" this time.

In the meantime, I'm exhausted! But I won't let myself sit for long enough to fall asleep. I get up and move every time I feel sleepy.

~Nichole

Oh, and P.S.

. . . I got an e-mail from my "recruit" the other day. My friend who got married this past April and with whom I had joked about recruiting to be pregnant with me at the same time. . . she started without me! She's already 9 (going on 10 now) weeks along. Yea C!

I'm totally happy for her! But if I'm not in that way soon, we won't be on mat leave together!

~Nichole

Waiting for the bottom to drop

It's about the time in my cycle when I start my pre-period spotting. I've been waiting for it to start as a sign - one way or the other - of whether or not I'm pregnant. So, today, this morning to be exact, I had some spotting.

But then, I have to remind myself that last time I had a whole period and was still pregnant. Ectopically (tubally) so, but still.

Ah well. Whether yes or no, I'll be trying to keep calm until this weekend, which is the earliest I can (or should) reasonably take a test. Last night I fell asleep with visions of babies (twins!) dancing in my head, so don't count on the calmly waiting part. . .

~Nichole

Here's your sign(s)

Strange lower abdominal cramping a little too early? Check!

Low back pain? Check!

Strange bowel issues? Check!

Of course, these all might just be side effects of an oncoming menstrual cycle-slash-stupid sickness my body is battling with not getting right now. . .

Time, of course, will always tell. I just wish he weren't so slow at it!

~Nichole

Because you're dying to know. . .

. . . I'm not pregnant yet. "Duh!" you say. "It's way too early!" you say. Ummmm, yeah. I know. It's just that. . . did you know a woman's "fertile window" can be all over the place? Can open and close at different times in each cycle? Can be from, like, Day 7 to after the beginning of her next cycle?

Ummmm, what?!

Yeah.

Apparently. Because that's what I've been reading all over the web today.

Stupid web. Stop being so smarty-pantsed! You're starting to freak me out!

~Nichole

Whatchamacallit

So, after some initial confusion that went something like this:

M: (continues to contracept)
N: (is confused because of previous conversations - see previous post)
M: (totally oblivious)
N: You confuse me (just so we're clear).

The next morning:
M: (coming home from a church meeting and hugs me to soften the fact that I'm grouchy from all the confusion) So when are we going to start a family?
N: (?????) When you stop confusing me!
M: What?
N: You confuse me with all your "family" talk but then you're up to your old tricks. I'm confused.
M: (obviously equally confused) But we said October and it's only the end of September.
N: (dawns on me he has no idea about how ovulation works and has not, in fact, been tracking cycles for the past year like I have). OK. This is how it works. It's either now. Or early November.
M: OK. Now.

Yeah. After all that, "we're trying".

I said those words out loud to another human being for the first time last night. It was weird. But also kind of cathartic. I wanted to tell H when I saw her on Saturday, but it never came up. And I half want to tell B on one of our many phone chats, but how do you say something like that over the phone? And I've vowed to keep that secret from my family - vowed not to myself or to M, but to my mom (yes I am that cruel) because she kept asking.

Instead, the first person I uttered that confession to was L, a friend from my ward and the wife of M's former first counselor. She and her hub are also "trying" - so in the event we both end up preggo, we'll be on this road together. So, I figured she was a good choice for a confidant.

I have the typical "trying" worries: what if it doesn't happen the first time, what if I have an ectopic again, what if I miscarry, what if I get dog sick, what if I'm a total pregnancy wimp. . . you know - all those.

I had a lot more to say, but now I can't remember.

~Nichole

And So it Begins

So last night, M sat next to me after dinner and asked "so when do you want to start"?

I played it coy and said "start what?"

He said "start trying" (which I already knew).

So we talked about it. We talked about timing and what it would mean this month, next month, the month after that. He said he's worried about the economy. I said the economy and having a baby are not related. Not really. The economy's going to be the economy no matter if we start now or in a few months.

Later I said, "if you want to wait a few months. . . " He cut across my words and said "I don't want to wait a few months."

So, I guess this is it. We're going to jump off the cliff, hand in hand. Let's hope we land softly (or at least in a soft place).

~Nichole

Sunday morning

We've had a lot of conversations lately. All more positive than the "restaurant scene" I last posted about. (Well except that one where my husband quizzed me about my current weight and said "I thought you wanted to get down to 150?" You bet I had a ready answer for that one that went something like "I don't see you out there doing it with me! It's hard work! So until that happens, leave it be!")

But mostly positive. Yeah.

Like yesterday morning when he was coming from the bathroom to get dressed for his meeting and I was just waking up. I rolled over and said "hi" and he said "so, you really wanna have my babies?" And I said "well, yeah. they'll be really cute like you and we'll love them and they'll love us. and they'll take care of us when we're old. so yeah."

He says "we'd better have at least 3 to maximize our chances that they'll stick around to take care of us." (He read this in some textbook or magazine article, I'm sure of it.)

~Nichole