I'm still spotting. And as that continues, I'm finding myself afraid. Which frustrates the life out of me, because I'm really trying to have faith and feel like fear sabotages that effort, cutting it off at the knees.
I'm having some, not all, of the signs I had last time. I spotted more last time, but I don't really know what that means or doesn't mean. I told M about the spotting, and how it's pretty inconclusive about what it means or what it could be. I'm apparently not the only one being driven nuts with the not-knowing. It frustrated him.
I woke up (again) before the alarm went off, only to find myself tired after getting up. I was also down and sad, which frustrated me. I cried during the first talk at church. Then, I was bone-weary tired. I had the strongest desire to just lay down during the second talk - it's all I wanted right that minute - so I settled for laying my head on M's shoulder and I nearly fell asleep. I took a 2.5 hour nap yesterday afternoon, and a 4 hour nap today.
By the end of church today I felt peace, knowing it's all in God's hands and knowing I shouldn't worry all that much. That's improvement. Hopefully, I can keep that attitude throughout this week. This week will be the week of The Test, and all that comes with either result.
~Nichole
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