This state of Being carries a mixed bag of emotions.
Gratitude.
Awe.
Humility.
Hope . . .
Frustration.
Fear.
Doubt.
What-on-earth-did-i-get-myself-into.
I watched Elder Anderson’s conference talk again. It is amazing that the precise pattern he outlined about seeking to know when to have children is the one we followed. And we certainly got our answer. And we certainly obeyed. So, in an odd way, that is comforting. Comfort is a good thing to feel.
He also said that women need to be willing to bear children. I was very willing. Which helps when the trifecta of morning (all-day) sickness, fatigue and migraine headaches has got me in its grips. Yes, it helps to remember that I was very willing.
It also helps to remember that an elephant is eaten one bite at a time. There is no way I’m getting through these next few weeks in a lump. One step at a time is the only way to attempt such a feat.
More scary red spotting this week. When I got up in arms over it, I was praying and thought of the scripture “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, and unto God the things which are God’s” (Mark 12:17). In talking with Him about it, I figured that any child He sends us is His to begin with, and there is absolutely nothing I can do either way to prevent a miscarriage anyway, so why worry overmuch about much of anything. I’m rendering unto God that which is already His.
~Nichole
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