I'm having what I think are "for reals" symptoms (dizziness, cramping, pink discharge, twingey boobs, come-and-go nausea, fall-down fatigue), but I had some of these last month and they turned out to have nothing to do with pregnancy, so I'm trying to be patient. And calm. And trusting.
Hard to do when the friend we visited last night is 30 weeks pregnant, and the one I'll see this afternoon is 12 weeks pregnant. Babies babies everywhere!!
I'm not as crazy (yet) as I was a month ago. I feel calmer, like everything will work out OK and that when it happens next time - whenever that is - it will be for good.
It's taken a lot of prayer to get to this level of peaceful calm.
But that doesn't mean I don't wake up in a panic or that my mind doesn't wonder to bad places.
The other day, for instance, when I'd only had about 5 hours of interrupted sleep, I woke up thinking "how on earth am I, the must-have-her-sleep-or-else queen, going to survive being perpetually sleep deprived??"
And I'm reading the Girlfriend's Guide to Baby Gear, which talks in detail about the things you need to breastfeed and take care of the cord stump, etc. etc. It's enough to make me want to back slowly away, tuck myself in a corner and rock myself like a crazy person. OK. Not quite. But, the reality of caring for a baby is still a little frightening. It's not all rainbows and butterflies. (That's the lyric from a song I recently heard. . . ) I digress. . .
I had myself convinced not to take a hpt until next Friday. The crazy-baby-hungry-lady inside of me is trying to convince me Wednesday would be good, what with all the "clear-cut" (hardly!) symptoms I'm having.
*fingers crossed for double pink lines*
~Nichole
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