Mixed

I had my follow up today with Dr. M. Not a fun thing to walk into the OB/GYN's office and be surrounded by pregnant ladies when you've just miscarried. Not fun at all. Especially when one of those ladies, when asked how she's doing today, says "I'm still pregnant" like that should say it all, and I think to myself "Feel lucky you can say those words. There are some of us who can't."

I waited for the doc in the "second room" for 30 minutes, alternately switching between an article in "Parents" magazine about how not to yell at your kids and one in "Budget Travel" magazine about house swapping. I realize my reading choices epitomize the fact that I have each of my feet in two different worlds right now.

In the intervening time before "my turn", through the walls I heard Dr. M conversing with a patient on my left and the swish-a-swish-a-swish of a baby's heartbeat on my right. That was also not fun. A little hard, in fact.

Dr. M finally came to see me and we chatted about my recovery and my future plans for trying or not (I voted for "trying"). Turns out, he'll want to see me very early on again next time. I immediately thought "oh. more waiting and seeing". It also turns out that my antibody screen for Rh sensitivity came back negative. That's right! He screened me without my even having to ask.

He said "come see me the next time the stick turns blue. Happy trying!" Gotta love Dr. M! But I am grateful I don't have to go back there again any time soon.

As to the trying part, I'm hopeful. I'm also very glad to be waiting it out through one normal cycle. Kind of takes the pressure off. Plus, I'm just not ready. Yet.

I must admit, I get a bit catty toward pregnant women (and that one pregnant man out there) who get pregnant without even trying (or after having lived as a man for years) and seemingly take it for granted that everything goes off without a hitch. I'm having a bit of a problem with that right now, really.

M came home and reported that he was sad today "just for a little bit" because someone at work announced they're pregnant and that the baby's healthy, yadda yadda yadda. I told him about the swishy heartbeat. We spent a few moments being sad together, but as we always do, ended it on a positive note. "It will be OK."

~Nichole