Tomorrow marks one month since my D&E. As I talked on the phone with my pregnant friend C yesterday - right before I went into the library and checked out "Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth about Miscarriage" - and she asked me how I am doing, I responded in a genuinely chipper tone that "I'm fine! I have my moments, but I'm good!"
I relayed to her my tough Sunday last week, but admitted that "I think we're ready to try again as soon as my cycle returns." The doubt that surrounds that readiness is starting to lessen, and so I can, with increasing confidence, make that statement. C was the first person I said it to, and as the words came out of my mouth, I realized they were mostly true.
I decided to come home and try them out on M. I told him I had talked with C and that we are planning to get together for dinner after the holidays. Then I told him how she expressed her concern for me and I told her I think we're ready to try again as soon as my cycle returns.
For me it was a "ta-dahhhhh!" moment, the kind that comes with bright eyes and outstretched hands and expectant confidence.
For him, it was like "yeah. . . . ", complete with a quiet retreat, a stepping inward to go off on his own and think it through.
Then again, yesterday was his last day of work due to a lay off, so maybe he's thinking it's not such a great idea right now. That's a man.
And me, I'm thinking he's bound to get a job in the next 10 months or so, so why not? That's a woman.
And thus we dance.
~Nichole
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