I awoke this morning with gastrointestinal issues. It started last night, actually. Having just gone through the process (several times during 3 flights) of holding my nose and holding my breath in order to get my ears to pop - stupid head cold! - I imagined that the stomach issues were just this pregnancy's way of righting itself. That the jagged oval of a gestational sac was popping itself out to a nice, round circle.
The imaging tech today, after ensuring me she could not give me any results, asked me leading questions. "Are you bleeding or spotting?" "What were your most recent numbers?" "Are they going to take your quant again?"
I still had hope.
By 2:45 in the afternoon, I could wait no longer. I rang up the doc's office and Dr. M got on the phone. He said today's images confirmed what he thought yesterday. The pregnancy is non-viable. My options: wait for a miscarriage (7 to 21 days, followed by 3-5 days of heavy bleeding, and possibly needing a D&C anyway) or get a D&C (as soon as Friday afternoon).
I go in tomorrow to ask him all my questions and find out more about each option.
M got the news by phone again. Poor guy.
Today, during one of my frequent bathroom breaks, I bumped one of my still-tender boobs and realized I'll miss being pregnant.
But I'm grateful I had more time this time to be pregnant. To experience it. And that everything made it to the right place this time, which gives me a certain measure of hope for the future.
Maybe this head cold and its achey pressure aren't so stupid after all. It's dulling much of this experience for me because I just don't have the wherewithall to deal with it right now. That will be saved for another day I'm sure.
~Nichole
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