Whatchamacallit

So, after some initial confusion that went something like this:

M: (continues to contracept)
N: (is confused because of previous conversations - see previous post)
M: (totally oblivious)
N: You confuse me (just so we're clear).

The next morning:
M: (coming home from a church meeting and hugs me to soften the fact that I'm grouchy from all the confusion) So when are we going to start a family?
N: (?????) When you stop confusing me!
M: What?
N: You confuse me with all your "family" talk but then you're up to your old tricks. I'm confused.
M: (obviously equally confused) But we said October and it's only the end of September.
N: (dawns on me he has no idea about how ovulation works and has not, in fact, been tracking cycles for the past year like I have). OK. This is how it works. It's either now. Or early November.
M: OK. Now.

Yeah. After all that, "we're trying".

I said those words out loud to another human being for the first time last night. It was weird. But also kind of cathartic. I wanted to tell H when I saw her on Saturday, but it never came up. And I half want to tell B on one of our many phone chats, but how do you say something like that over the phone? And I've vowed to keep that secret from my family - vowed not to myself or to M, but to my mom (yes I am that cruel) because she kept asking.

Instead, the first person I uttered that confession to was L, a friend from my ward and the wife of M's former first counselor. She and her hub are also "trying" - so in the event we both end up preggo, we'll be on this road together. So, I figured she was a good choice for a confidant.

I have the typical "trying" worries: what if it doesn't happen the first time, what if I have an ectopic again, what if I miscarry, what if I get dog sick, what if I'm a total pregnancy wimp. . . you know - all those.

I had a lot more to say, but now I can't remember.

~Nichole