6.09.2009

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow: A Paradox

I was writing an e-mail to a friend the other day and was telling her how I was (aka with the pregnancy) and I wrote something like:

It's a paradox, really: I feel more and more like myself in terms of energy and ability, but less and less like myself as I no longer fit into my clothes and see my ever-growing belly.

Yep. Pregnancy's like that, I guess.

Last week, for the first time, I felt the little bubbly presence floating in the oasis that is my womb. Then, it went from bubbly to feeling like something is swimming in my stomach. Now all day long, usually when I'm leaning forward concentrating on something on the computer screen at work, this baby is a mover and a shaker, flipping and flopping all over the place, feeling like a constant fit of butterflies trying to make a hasty escape through my belly button. In just a week, we've gone from vague abstraction to bumpy reality. It feels real now.

Yesterday, I visited the doc. He gave me a "half way" handout, and as he checked the heartbeat (it was laying with its head toward my right hip), he warned me that my little episode of dizziness and feeling like I was going to black out yesterday morning was not, in fact, dehydration. He said I need to eat more protein, so I'm not getting the crash that comes with a plummet in my glycemic index (because of breakfast cereals and no protein for breakfast). Yup. That's what he said. So I obliged and stopped at Circle K and got a couple of Power Bars to have on hand. And this morning I made some hard boiled eggs.

On the day after tomorrow, we go for The Ultrasound. You know, THE Ultrasound. Yes, yes. We're all excited to find out the sex of this baby. (Have I explained yet that the seemingly PC term "gender" is really a psychosocial construct, and that the word "sex" is the correct biological term? Well, now you know.) But more than the sex, I just want them to make sure it's healthy, has plenty of fluid to swim around in, that the plug of my womb is staying put for a while. . . essentially, I want a green light for the next 20 or so weeks. Is that too much to ask?

Speaking of the next 20 or so weeks, I'm getting to the point where I think I'm big enough. I mean, this baby can find some way to grow larger without my stomach having to expand any more, right? No? Crap! I feel huge already. I'm thinking how I don't know what I'm going to think as the largeness that has become my belly ultimately becomes so much hulk and heft. And in the summer, too. Oy!

~Nichole

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"May you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world." -Ray Bradbury