6.25.2009

Afraid in the Dark

Last night as I tried to sleep, as my defenses began to slacken and wane, worry sneaked on tip-toe into my heart. Which, of course, made it impossible to sleep. Earlier when I told M I’d been freaking out a little, he told me “stop watching those shows!” and told me not to stress out because “the baby feels it”. (I'm not the only one watching those shows! I blame it on 21 weeks.)

After that, I didn’t think about it anymore. And I stopped Google searching whether my daily dose of magnesium gives me any added protection against CI. (It doesn’t. But it does help thwart pre-eclampsia and premature contractions, and provide some protection for the baby’s health too.) I started to read about labor and delivery, which really amounts to the long-range vision for me. I felt better.

But lying there with thoughts swirling in the emotional nakedness that darkness and late hours bring with them, the fear threatened to overwhelm me and I whispered to him that I might need a blessing soon. He told me again not to stress out, then after a few moments of silence, said “We’ve prayed for a healthy baby. I have faith that Heavenly Father will bless you with a health baby.” As I felt the strength of those words in the air and his faith in my heart, I felt comforted and laid my head on his chest and cried. Once again, the faith of my husband in this pregnancy saves me!

I did the Care Package for a whopping two days before fatigue subsumed me and I succumbed to a three day migraine, followed by a bout of laziness. But, after eating homemade (from scratch) chocolate-coconut-walnut brownies for 4 days straight, I figured I’d better get back at it. I feel stronger – if not more winded – when I make my body move and work a little.

My goal is to keep it up, along with keeping with my new penchant for taking better care of my teeth and skin (which is now a habit), so that when this babe is safely delivered into the world, I can commit myself to a new round of Couch to 5k. I would LOVE to be running 5k or more by the time I go back to work from maternity leave!

~Nichole

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"May you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world." -Ray Bradbury