Knick Knack Paddywhack

It’s been a strange week. For the most part The Symptoms continue, but are easing up ever so slightly. I’m not as tired, but still exhausted. I’m not as queasy, but still have wicked indigestion and acid. I’m not as sore in the boob area, but they still twinge. Just last night, when M re-entered the kitchen to find the groceries already put away, I told him "every now and then I get a glimpse of my former Super Woman self." He laughed.

Saturday and Sunday brought art festivals, church, and naps. Oh, and a strange version of the Spanish inquisition from my sister on Saturday while visiting Mom:

Mir- (crocheting by firelight) So, I have a question. Are you pregnant?

N- (avoiding direct eye contact. Wait. No. Make direct eye contact NOW!) What!? Why?

Mir- I had a dream that you were and that there was a complication. Something happened, but you were able to keep the baby. You couldn’t have anymore kids, but you were happy because at least you had one.

N- Don’t say that!

J- (brother interjects with some much needed distraction/change of subject)

N- (latches onto the new subject, leaving behind the old)

Mir- Oh, mom, that wasn’t a denial! She didn’t deny it.

N- Whatever! (subject officially dropped)

I’m still slow to jump on the Happy bandwagon. I’m taking it one day at a time. I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately. Like “how on earth did I get to this place? This is really happening! Holy crap!” and other such pleasantries. Not that I’m not happy. It’s just that all the caution and the wait-and-see have deadened the excitement a little. Well, that and the feeling crappy. It’s just such a surprise that I feel so tired and queasy so much of the time, and that I don’t feel as excited or happy as I thought I would. To be fair to myself, I’m still holding out for my progesterone level results and to see what happens at my 10 week appt with the doc.

But then M does something to cut through my steely façade, like calling me up at work to ask if the baby has fingers yet and saying how he’ll tell her (when she’s old enough to understand) that we had her because we really love each other. And I get a little weepy, and feel a little happier and more excited, all at once.

Yesterday, in the wee, small hours of the morning, after my second pee trip of the night, I was rocked by images of a baby getting into things, putting glass objects into her mouth, and pulling my tower shelf down onto herself in my living room. I started making mental checklists of things to baby proof in each room, before banishing all such thoughts and coaxing sleep back to its rightful spot in my consciousness.

I also realized how much pressure I’m putting on my second trimester. I want to travel, sew baby valences, changing pads, a crib skirt and a diaper bag, feel a lot better, start running again, do some major spring cleaning and hard core dusting, start prepping baby’s room (and find a new place to store all our outdoor gear), do more of the thing that got me into this crazy-wonderful situation, start baby proofing, do a baby registry. . . . that’s a lot of stuff to do in 3 short months.

Oh, and it turns out my sister T feels ever so slightly guilty that she knows something my mom doesn’t know. She needn’t worry too much though. My Big Plan is to spill the beans to my mom in some fantastical way around the time of her birthday-slash-Mother’s Day and then invite certain Specials into this little cocoon I’ve created. That should help all the Didn’t Knows feel better, no?

~Nichole